Back to School - A Three Stage Process

There are generally three stages to my back to school experience:

1. Idealism
2. Loathing
3. Realism

Idealism is the stage immediately before school starts that continues for the first week or so (it's over for me now). The end of the first weekend usually brings it to a close. This stage is characterised by ambitious goals and resolutions, general optimism and a miss-placed belief that "School isn't so Bad". It is. School is Bad.

Loathing is where I crash too after the high of idealism. The realities of school hit me, perhaps a little too hard and I gain a deep seated belief that "I hate School". Interestingly enough, my standard of work never really drops perceptibly between these stages, which may tell you something about where my motivation comes from. This stage is characterised by complaints and bad-humour, general despair and a miss-placed belief that "School is Bad from Top to Bottom, Devoid of Good." It isn't. It had good points.

Realism is the stage I have not yet reached this year, the stage I spend most of most school years in (4th year was a bad year. I reverted back to Loathing pretty quickly and stayed there. Not fun). In this stage, I am aware of the good and bad points of school and am able to look at them more or less objectively and reach a conclusion that "School is Manageable". Which it is. This stage is characterised by complaints and realistic goals, a level enough mind-set and the realistic (I think) belief that "School is Manageable" and it's going to be fine.

Anyway, on a less joke-y note, (WARNING: this gets kind of dark and serious) the thing that's worrying me most about this year isn't the school work. I generally find that easy enough, if time consuming. It isn't the people. I've got enough friends to be able to not care about everyone else. It isn't the exams. I find those easy too, and they're ages away.
No. What's worrying me is myself. I used to have a whole awful lot of faith in myself and in my ability to deal with the everyday grind of life, and school, and silly teachers and homework and all the rest. Sure, why wouldn't I? I'm a Good Student. I get good grades. Of course I can manage everything about school. All the time.
Then 4th year happened. And shit hit the fan. And all sorts of Not Fun things were going on and I couldn't deal.
And how I'm worried. It worries me every morning.
You can miss days and miss work and space out in class in TY and no one really notices or cares, especially if you're a Good Student who can bluff pretty well. But not in 5th year. If I miss a day this year, I'm going to know all about it. Not just from my parents, but it'd be a lot of work catching up. I can't afford to let it happen again.
But knowing what I know, I know it's not a choice. People don't choose to quietly fall apart inside their heads, completely ignorant of how to put themselves back together. That's not a choice. And I don't know what choices would lead to that happening again.
So here I am, trying to avoid something bad happening. But I don't know what causes it, except in broad strokes. And I sure as hell don't know how to avoid it happening again.
It's like living your life bare-foot. Having a bare-foot mind. You have to step carefully and slowly all the time in case you step on something sharp and awful and Not Good. I have to step carefully in my mind when I'm trying to get something done. I have to think about it enough that it'll get done, but not so much that it'll stress me about and make me feel sick and won't get done.
It's a tricky business. 

So, yeah, school. I'm really hoping this year is going to be okay. I'm hoping Loathing won't last too long, because I'm not sure I'll be able to stick it for much longer.